It's Turkey Day, so I figured it's appropriate to review a turkey of a film. Thankskilling is a terrible film with bad acting, hokey dialog, and just outright ridiculousness. Here is just a sampling of the outrageous things that happen in this film.
The local sheriff is having coffee at home with his wife, and remarks it tastes Ike shit and the wife reveals she did indeed take a dump in the coffee and wants a divorce.
The teenagers in this film which consist of the cliches such as the jock, the fat kid, the nerd, the dumb bimbo, and the sherrif's daughter , constantly razz on each other, and there is a repeated line of how the bimbo's legs are harder to shut than the Jon Benet Ramsey case.
The killer Turkey, who is out to kill the teens, does various things that no human are earth should fall for, for example, he goes to hitch a ride, and the driver asks "Ass, Gas, or Grass", and the turkey says "I guess Ass", and just when you think someone is going to do unspeakable things to a turkey, he turns a shotgun on the guy and shoots him. Then he drives off
Speaking of unspeakable things, the turkey stumbles onto the bimbo having sex from behind with some random guy. He kills the guy, and then the turkey starts having sex with her instead. When she finally realizes what is happening, he uses his wings to twist her neck.
Speaking of not realizing what is actually happening in front of them, there is another scene with the sheriff, where he dresses like a turkey. The turkey comes to his door wearing glasses and somehow he is mistaken as just a midget. There is this awkward scene between him and sheriff, before he finally kills the sheriff off. Then the sheriff's daughter and the remaining teens show up, and the turkey answers the door wearing the sheriff's face, and they actually think he is the sheriff. It's the fat guy who actually ends up discovering it's the turkey in disguise.
Which means, the fat guy, who is named Billy, got to go. There's the cliche of him always being hungry because he is fat, so he is walking down the street, and he is inticed by a Clipart of a roasted turkey, which he eats. The killer turkey burst through his stomach saying the line "Gobble Gobbler mfer". The three remaining kids find Billy, and the nerd is beside himself. As he mourns his friend, we are blessed to hear "The Best Friend Billy Song". I can't even describe it, so I'll show you instead.
So the story of the killer turkey is about this Indian who was so angry over the Pilgrims stealing his land that he necromanced a turkey to come to life and kill those who wronged the Indians. The only way to defeat the turkey is to take his magical talisman, say a demonic prayer backwards, and then he is able to be killed. I am being dead serious, like you can't even make this up if you tried. So they do that, kill the turkey, but end up throwing his body in toxic waste. So of course the toxic waste revives him because this movie needed that to happen
The final girl ends up killing the turkey by burning him alive, and we get an ending scene where a family is preparing to have a nice Thanksgiving meal, but the turkey ends up being the carcass of the killer turkey. He says about a sequel, and attacks the family.
And yes there was a sequel to this dumb movie, plus they even made a third movie. Now that I suffered through this, you must all subject yourselves to this as well. If you want a laugh and feel your braincells dying as you witness the schlock that happens right before your unbelieving eyes, then you need to watch this movie. It's one of those movies that shouldn't exist, except it does.
But if you are going to watch it, you need to watch it get the Joe Bob Briggs treatment, he is doing a special screening tonight!! It will showing at 10 PM, and you can see that here:
Till next time, stay safe and Happy Thankskilling!! -Tha Thrilla-